Microsoft AdCenter Lab

Cool new tool by Microsoft called AdCenter Labs. You get to type in a url and it will predict its demographics. According to Microsoft Google and Yahoo is a girls search engine! So to confirm my hetrosexualness I have recently decided to switch to MSN as my primary search engine.

A few oddities I – 61% Males, 39% Female This doesn’t make a damn bit of sense to me. – 55% Male, 45% Female Hey I don’t discriminate unlike other seo sites I know. – 61% Male, 39% Female The other seo site i know Hey Shoe Money Come over to my site, I got chicks here! lol


Funny Website Bloopers

I wanna start a section of comments about funny webdesign bloopers we find around the net. There’s gotta be hundreds.

I’ll start us off: is hilarious. This is a website for a flower shop out of Portland Oregon. When they were recording the background music for the website the employees continued talking in the background. They even start bitching about customers!


The Two Minute Online Business That Could

It’s not very often when you get to witness a brand new business idea take off from a seedling in the frontal right lobe of the brain and hatch into a profit maker and die right before your eyes. For anyone who has ever gotten to witness the birth and death of a business first hand, you can appreciate the simplistic beauty behind it. Here is an unedited transcript between a buddy and I that I would like to share, so everyone may partake in the beautiful rise and collapse of an empire.

WARNING: Strong language and sexual dialog. This dialog should be taken at entertainment purposes only. i want to die says: yoEli says: hey what upi want to die says: not muchi want to die says: hey i got a business idea for youEli says: awesomei want to die says: www.STDating.comi want to die says: a dating website for people with stdsEli says: hahai want to die says: so you match people with an std with people with the same stdEli says: thats brilliant!i want to die says: so the can fuck as much as the want no worriesEli says: what if it’s crabs. that would just double the conditionEli says: their crabs might mate tooi want to die says: trueEli says: but that is a damn good ideaEli says: they can submit pictures of their enflamed crotchesi want to die says: im a geniousEli says: to show the severity of hte situationEli says: you are a geniousi want to die says: we would be famousEli says: we would get laidEli says: oh wait, we wouldn’t want thatEli says: but we would be richi want to die says: yeahEli says: first we get the kackis, then the jobs, then the cars, then the chicksi want to die says: yepi want to die says: then the stdsEli says: brillianti want to die says: wich you can haveEli says: i’ll sharei want to die says: noi want to die says: i will take the moneyi want to die says: you take the stdsEli says: ok but i get the kackisi want to die says: oki want to die says: and i get to do the interveiwsi want to die says: …drunkEli says: okEli says: but i get some of your beeri want to die says: sure thingEli says: dealEli says: doneEli says: i made iti want to die says: you made it?Eli says: lets get richi want to die says: okEli says: ok, now people are signing upEli says: eww dude this is a bad ideai want to die says: ewEli says: these people are fugliesEli says: ewwwwwwwww!Eli says: ok i’m shutting down the sitei want to die says: haEli says: well we still made about $4,000 lets pay taxes and then split iti want to die says: no taxesEli says: your right taxes are a bad ideai want to die says: waityi want to die says: im a marineEli says: lets invest it in tighter underwear for old meni want to die says: taxes pay my asalleryi want to die says: salaryEli says: cus they have saggy ballsi want to die says: ewEli says: ok i invested the moneyEli says: lets see how the market goesEli says: oh no! it’s dropping like saggy balls drop when they come out of the showerEli says: oh wait no it’s rising nowEli says: no……old men can’t get it upEli says: we’re broke again dudeEli says: well it was a good business ventureEli says: nice workin with ya, but i gotta go get drunki want to die says: good dealme tooEli says: lata


Top SEO Secrets

An SEO company cold called me today. It was great; she showed me how she got one of her clients a #1 spot in Google! The #1 spot was for a term that gets searched for on avg. 8.6xday but that’s irrelevant. She also spilled all of her secrets to SEO success on me, so I may share with you.

Top SEO Secrets <—-Get a pen1-Put a picture of a lady that looks half business woman and half house wife on the top of your site. She stressed this point2-Put a picture of a guy with a cell phone. It doesn’t matter where, just as long as you have a picture of a guy with a cell phone.3-Put a W3C logo and link on your site.

I’ve been doing it all wrong!

If I may make a quick side note. I did NOT take this lady’s words out of context to make them ridiculously funny. She really did believe these three things determined who was first in the SERPS.

Let the traffic roll in!

I told her I desperately needed some SEO for one of my sites named She took a look at the site and noticed my guy with the jacket. I assured her that it would be promptly changed to a half home wife half business woman, just as soon as I could. She was relieved. I asked if she could get me ranked #1 for “blue”, #1 for “hat”, and #1 for “SEO”. She told me she certainly could but I wouldn’t want to rank for those terms. Instead the smart thing to do would be, to have her “keyword technician” do some math and find the term that would be most beneficial to my business.

I don’t know. I kind of liked the idea of ranking #1 for SEO, but I guess ranking #1 for “cottagebaconmix” would be more beneficial to my business.

I’m not going to crap down this lady’s neck too much; cold calling is a shitty enough business to be in after all. For god sakes though have some pride! Don’t let someone with a website with “Advanced SEO Tactics” in giant blue letters right across the top keep you on the phone for 45 mins asking questions like what is Google, because they probably don’t need your help as much as the next person on your call list. Though it was pretty hilarious hearing her freak out when Rob kept tapping the Mario Bros. themed hold button really fast.

So this was a crappy post with no real point to it except prove that I’m a jerk to telemarketers. Please listen to me SEO companies. Don’t cold call people! If you want customers, rank for terms they are going to use when trying to find you. Honest, if you asked your knowledgeable friend what a good SEO company would be and he responded, “I don’t know, search for SEO company and go with whoever is on top.” You honestly couldn’t say that would be bad advice.


Page Rank 4

Wow, when did get a page rank 4? I could of swore it wasn’t there yesterday. HaHa…all well whatcha gonna do? It’s not like any sites link to me anyways. I wasn’t even aware I was in the search engines.

If anyone is in the market for a PR4 link I’ll sell you one for a measily 300k dollars. Or you can just leave a comment


My Alexa Cheat

With only about 1,200 visitors/day to this site I’m no mover and shaker but since my post about an Alexa Cheat my Alexa ranking has been rising. HAHA. Com’n people start sending your friends so I can be in the English Top 100. Kidding Kidding, don’t crash my site

Can you tell which day I put up that rel=prefetch link?

Google Syndication

I found an interesting post on The Pyramids of Google. It gives a link to the Alexa traffic log for Which is the domain that Google adsense posts the links. This is actually pretty shocking. It shows the top sites that send traffic. In other words what sites send the most traffic through adsense. They are mostly chinese sites! I don’t understand how that is even possible. Crazy stuff though.


Update On Our Lovable Budcicle

He figured it out folks!

This is truely a great day. Once again on the contribute page:

  1. debt elimination Says:I must admit, I’ve had a rough time with my credit. Life isn’t easy when you’re drowning in debt. Big kisses to all the shopaholics! Kell

Well Debt Elimination(if that is your real name) I will tell you this. There is nothing more fustrating for me than rough times with my credit. Life isn’t easy when your drowning in debt (wait a minute. I think I’ve heard that somewhere before). Well I must say that I am extremely excited for our bud brownie muncher in Amsterdam. I think the least I can do is give him a link on the main page.


I Left This Comment On Purpose

On my contribute page, You’ll notice a bit of spam from someone still trying to figure out their blog comment spammer.

  1. Use Keyword Here Says:Personally, I never use more than a single link in the comment I post because doing so can trigger spam catchers if the user has that plugin activated, whereas a single link will not.

If your worried about creating trouble for yourself while testing spam software, leaving the default data isn’t necessarily the best option. Maybe a simple hello or I loved your site so much I want to give you a hand job will suffice.

Turns out the dude is from Amsterdam. Perhaps he wasn’t testing, he’s just too damn stoned to figure it out.

Shoot me an email if you need some help with your site promotion Marley!


Google Click Tracking

So Google has finally started following suite with Yahoo and began recently tracking click through rates on their organics. This is great news for those of us who understand how they use that data and have spoofed it to rank highly in Yahoo for years.

Thanks Google!

This just goes to prove that every attempt to improve relevancy only gives people an extra tool to fake relevancy. There goes my black hat tendancies, kicking in again.

PS. For those of you who just jumped out of your seats cus you realized what I mean by all this, guess what. Even though it’s completely black hat and there will probably never be a Blue Hat technique written for it, I have never seen it on any sort of forum or public SEO blog. So I get the credit for it being my idea! haha. Patent! Double stamp no erasies.